Appointment with a mother
Mar 28 2008
It is evening here on the banks of the river. . The Sun is about to set.
Just know I finished my pranams to him. No day passes by without me
seeing the rising Sun. May be the Sun god is also anxious to see me before
he starts on his daily journey. And some days I see the setting Sun too.
Like today ! I feel he tarried a little before setting. As though he wanted to
avert some mishap.
A messenger had come this morning from the royal quarters to tell
me that the dowager queen wants to see me . I wondered about it and
asked him again since there are two dowager queens. We have the Prince’s
great grandmother, a very old lady. The other one is the Prince’s aunt. He
clarified that it is the latter one. Oh! It is Their Mother who wants to see me
in the evening on the banks of the river. Of all people why me ? I do not
know her at all. Whenever I see her I bow my head and do my pranams as
to any elderly lady.
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I remember the old incident as though it is happening now. I am
twenty years old. Father says it is high time that I got a job. He sa ys he
knows people in the palace and he can get me the job of a charioteer for
one of the princes. But I tell him that I do not want that job. I am good,
actually very good, with bow and arrow. I want to be a soldier
There is a rumor of a Tournament in the royal stadium. I want to go.
But my father says I should not go near the stadium. He said it is not for
charioteers like us but for young men with royal blood. Such statements
anger me. I tell him that I am as good as anybody else and may be even
better.
And I go to the stadium and watch the happenings from the stands.
There are two rows of princes. In the one on the left, there are many. The
right row has only five princes. I must have missed some of the displays.
There is a mace fight between two youths- one lean and muscular and
another just huge. The fight went on for long time. Both were good. It had
to be stopped because nobody was going to lose. I could see that it was
not a friendly fight. It looked like they were really true adversaries. These
royal families always have intrigues and who knows what is happening
between those two. I ask a person standing next to me. He told me that
they are cousins: the lean one the son of the blind king and the huge one
the second son of the blind king’s brother.
Then it is the time for bow and arrows. The contest is to see who
would pierce the eye of the clay pigeon. There was mirth all around when a
scholarly looking prince came in and his arrow went in another direction
and hit an elephant standing by. I am told that he is the eldest son of the
king’s brother. Many princes tried and while some of them came close
nobody pierced the eye. I want to get on to the arena with my bow and
arrows. But before I could do it, there was wide clapping all over and a
handsome youth comes to the field with his bow. He looks around and the
spectators cheer him again. He bows to them and also to an elderly person
who was conducting the Tournament. I remember now that I did not like
him from the very beginning. He looks like a person with enormous ego. He
stood in the assigned place and sent his arrow. There was silence all
around. The arrow went straight to the right eye of the pigeon and then
there was clapping everywhere.
I jump into the arena with the bow in my hand. I walk to the center of
the stadium and tell the elderly gentleman that I also want to participate.
There are shrill whistles and boos from people in the stadium. And also
laughter! I look at the two rows of princes, the one with many youths and
the other with only five. They are all smiling whereas the egotist is laughing
his head off. The elderly gentleman , whom they called the Teacher , tells
me that this competition is only for royalty and not for commoners like me.
I get angry and tell him that merit is what is important. The Teacher does
not budge.
I can never forget what happened next. One of the princes comes out
of his row and walks towards me. He embraces me as though I am his long
lost friend. I recognize him as the lean and muscular youth of the mace
fight. He is obviously the Prince ! He tells the Teacher that he wants to give
me a kingdom which would automatically make me also royalty. He asks
some servants to come fast with a priest and a formal donation of the
kingdom was made. And I have become a king! A charioteer’s son became
a king just like that! I thank the Prince and tell him that I will be indebted to
him through out my life. Whatever happens, to me he is the Prince, the
most large hearted person I have seen in my whole life. People say I am
large hearted but I am nothing compared to the Prince.
Well, my entry into royalty was not well received and thee were still
some boos when I stood facing the clay pigeon. I stare at it for some time
till I can see only the eyes. And then there are only the two eyes, not even
me. The arrow goes straight to the left eye. There is applause all over and
the Prince comes and hugs me again. The egotist is arguing with the
teacher that it has to be the right eye but his elder brother (the scholarly
looking youth) asks him to be quiet.
It is at that time there was commotion in the royal pavilion. All the
princes run towards the pavilion . When I ask the Teacher I am told that one
of the queens has fainted. And it is the mother of the five princes, the blind
king’s brother’s wife! I also go near the pavilion. Nobody stops me since I
have also become a king. The queen has recovered and when I go near her,
she keeps staring at me, my bright armour plate and my diamond ear rings.
I did pranams to her just as I would to any elder person. She keeps her
palm on my bowed head and does not remove it for quite some time.
And it is she who wants to meet me now !
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Well, I see the old queen coming towards me. I go to her and as
usual do my pranams. She looks quite old. May be, this is the first time I am
really seeing her. Poor lady, she lost her husband while still young and had
to be a single parent to those five princes. I do not think anybody will envy
her. Look at her children: The first talks about scriptures all the time, but
has costly (God ! how costly) vices like gambling. The second is a glutton
and I am sure she must have had lot of problems just feeding him. And
third is ego personified !
She sits on the steps leading to the river and keeps her feet in the
flowing water. She asks me to sit by her side. She tells me to relax like her.
I also keep my feet in the water. I look at her feet and then at my feet. They
are so similar. May be all feet are similar. After all, how much variety can
the Maker have in designing feet ? She is saying something but I am still
looking at the two sets of feet. Not many people know it but I have a sixth
finger on my left foot. And so does the old queen!
She comes near me, places her arm around me and starts to talk : I
will tell you a story of a very young girl and how curiosity complicated her
life. The young girl was a princess and a famous sage came to her father’s
place . He was well known for his anger and her father was afraid that the
sage would curse them for any lapse in hospitality. Therefore the young
princess was assigned to look after him. She did a very good job and the
sage was very pleased. He was so satisfied with her services that he gave
her five boons. She was told that with each boon she could get a god to
come and give company. The sage went away leaving her with these 5
boons. The girl was curious..
I interrupted the old queen and asked her why she is telling me this
story. She patted my head affectionately and said ‘ Listen ‘: She wanted to
test the sage’s boon. Princesses lead lonely lives and she thought she
would do better with some company. She wondered about which god to
call. She looked outside and saw the morning sun. She recited the boon
hymn and called upon the Sun god ! She kept her eyes closed for some
time and when she opened the room was very bright with a godlike figure
standing in front of her. Before she could say anything, the godlike figure
said that he is actually the Sun god and has come to keep her company.
The girls was very afraid and asked the god to go back to wherever he
came from. He said that he cannot do it and according to the boon he had
to give her company. When he explained what he meant by company the
young girl was horrified but had to submit to the wishes of the god. And so
it was that the young girl became pregnant and eventually gave birth to a
son, the Sun’s son ! Since she was afraid that people would come to know
about it, she kept the baby in a crib and let it float down the river Ganga.
I was actually getting impatient with the whole story when something
checked me. When she talked about the crib down the river, I remembered
how my foster parents found me. They had said I was found in a crib
floating down the river. I had wondered several times about who my actual
parents were but such moments had become fewer and fewer with age. Is
this old lady talking about my birth ? I asked her about what happened to
the young girl who gave birth to the baby. The queen said that she
eventually got married and had several children. I asked her about the
baby. Did the baby have anything special, anything different ? The queen
said ‘ Yes, the baby had diamond earrings and an armor plate on the chest ‘
I could not hide my excitement. I asked her whether I was the baby.
She had tears in her eyes when she replied in the affirmative. I could see
that the old queen knew more than what she was telling. Now I understood
the attraction I felt for the Sun god. After all, he is my father. I asked her
whether she knows the girl , my mother. She said yes and said yes again
when I asked her whether my mother was living. She held my hands in her
hands and showed the two sets of feet in the river. I scream. Mother ? Yes
and she envelops me in a frail embrace.
I can see she is crying. I ought to be happy that I found my mother.
But I always had a mother, my mother Radha. She is everything that a son
could ask for her in a mother. She is my foster mother, So what ! I tell the
queen : Madam, please do not cry. Let the secret die with us. She says “ Do
not call me Madam. Call me mother”. I tell her that I cannot do it . She will
always be the queen at a distance. I tell her that she can continue like she
did in the past and I will also do the same.
And then it dawns! Those five whom I have loathed all my life are
really my brothers! How do I handle that? Very soon I will be fighting
against the. The queen guesses my thoughts and asks me to join their side.
She says that I could be the king. She adds then that the war may not take
place at all since the Prince is after all my dear friend. I tell her that I will not
leave the Prince who has been my good friend and generous to me
throughout my life. She says he is evil. I laugh saying that evil has many
faces, including that of a mother deserting her newly born child. She says
that I am cruel to her. I shot back saying not more than what she was to me.
No, I do not want the meeting to end this way. I should let bygones
by bygones. I wipe her tears and kiss her sunken cheeks. She says that she
feels for all of her children in the same way. I tell her that I will not harm
four of her children. She says you mean your brothers. I try to smile and
say yes. But I tell her that cannot promise about the egotistical one. Either I
will kill him or he will kill me. That is the way it will be. I tell her that
whatever happens she will have five children. I point to the sixth toe in her
left foot and indicate with a flurry that it will be chopped off !
It is getting late. I tell her that I will come with her to the palace. She
refuses and says that she can go alone. She comes near me and kisses me
on the forehead. Tells me that I am the most generous person. I nod and
say ‘ Yes, Mother’. She smiles.
UTTARAYAN: THE GRAND OLD MAN PASSES AWAY (by Bhishma)
The sun has come back up north. I can die now. I have waited for
this for a long time now. I had so much time to think over my acts of
commission and omission. There were things which seemed right then but
I am not sure any more. And then there were things which had never
seemed right.
My grandchildren were unhappy with each other from day one. They
never liked each other as kids. When they grew up, the Kuru clan (my
blind nephew ‘s children) did not want to share their kingdom with their
cousins. In a game of dice, the Kuru Clan defeated the Pandu clan and
sent them away to the forest. The Pandu clan came back from the forest
after 13 years but were still denied the kingdom. And it is no wonder that
they finally went to war over their rights. The story of generations in three
lines ! Yes, we may live for many many years but our lives deserve barely a
line in the history of mankind. How would I be perceived by the future
generations ? Again a line: Bhishma was a great warrior who knowingly
fought against the way of righteousness ! It does not matter that I never
bore ill will against my grandchildren, the children of Pandu. What matters
is that I never raised my voice against the atrocities meted out to them.
However, the Kuru clan always assumed that I favour their cousins !
And , yes, I even led the Kuru army against them I was anointed
as the commander in chief of the Kaurava army on the very first day. I did
not want it but the the prince was keen on it. He also must have had some
perverse pleasure seeing me lead the battle against my own
grandchildren. Imagine my consternation when Yudhishtira walked
towards me before the start of the battle . What does he want ? I was afraid
that he would ask for something which I cannot give. It was then I uttered
that I was in no position to help him because I was tied to the Kauravas.
I think I fought well though the Kuru prince taunted me on and off
about how partial I was to the Pandu Clan. I told him that I would give my
best once I had decided to fight for the Kurus. Nevertheless, he and his
brothers kept on taunting me. But they also saw that I fought so well that I
even instigated Patha’s Charioteer to pick up a chariot wheel and walk up
to me. He had decided not to fight at all but I had made him drop his vow .
But it was only for an instant and when he went back to the chariot, Partha
started showing the best of his skills.
It was the 10th day of the battle. Already both the armies were tired.
But the battle had to go on. Pandavas decided to give the leadership to
Shikhandi. I understood the ploy. They knew that I would not fight against
women. Shikhandi, after all, was a woman to start with. Born as daughter to
King Drupad she was brought up like a boy. Later on I heard that she got
her sex changed. It does not change her status for me. I will not fight her.
Actually it was I who had told the Pandavas that I would not fight against a
woman. They must have understood it. At least Partha’s charioteer must
have understood it and instructed them accordingly. A simple charioteer !
Ha, Strange way to call somebody who seems to be directing all their
moves. Without him they are just a bunch of brave and capable warriors,
not necessarily invincible . When Partha and Shikhandi came together to
face me, I laid down by bow and arrows. It was then Partha’s arrows
brought me down. Later Partha made me a bed of arrows. He also clenched
my thirst by striking an arrow into the earth and got fresh water from its
bowels. As everybody knew, I was not dead. I had this boon that I could
choose the hour of my death. The sun was still south. I just lay there
waiting for the sun to come back up north. Though I had been shifted to the
periphery of the battle field, I knew what was happening. Some body or
other would come in the evening and tell me the happenings of the day. It it
was the prince with the news one would know that the Kauravas did well
that day. Otherwise it would be one of the Pandavas with the news.
The teacher of Kurus took over the commandeship after I fell . Five
days later I heard that he was beheaded by the Drupad prince . Onthis
15th day of the war, the teacher believed a lie which was told by the eldest
pandava. Lie and Yudhishtir ! That is what this war has done. It has taken
away the façade of humanness from us all and has shown us for what we
are , just beasts of prey. The teacher had gotten old and so was I. Anyway
we had to leave this world soon. But , in between, a young man was killed
in a brutal manner. It is true war does not distinguish between young and
old. I am lamenting more the way the youth was killed. He fought alone
surrounded by the great Kaurava warriors. All the rules of warfare were
broken when they surrounded him and slaughtered him. It was Partha’s
young son who had left behind a pregnant wife. Kauravas had to pay
heavily for it since Partha was both sad and angry.
After the teacher the prince’s dear loyal friend took over as the
commander in chief. He and I never got along well. I did not like the way
he went on supporting the prince even when he knew that the prince was at
fault. He could have counseled the Kuru prince properly since he was so
close to him. My anger was that he ignored Dharma (righteousness )
because of his loyalty. But the truth was s that I was also like him . I chose
to look the other way when the Pandavas were ill treated by my blind
nephew and his children I ignored Dharma because of my loyalty to the
throne of Hastinapur . I detested him because I think I detested myself.
But I also admired him this eldest Kaunteya ( yes, that is what he
was, the first of Kunti’s four children, born when she was still a young girl)
because he was the most generous person alive. There were many
accounts of how he gave away whatever was asked of him. It is said that
Lord Indra (Partha’s celestial father) came and asked for Karna’s armour
which he was born with. Karna knew that the request was not all that
genuine but he still gave it away which made him more vulnerable in the
battlefield. He was also the best archer of us all. It is only that his vanity
made him a lesser mortal. He had taunted me several times. He had also
taken avow that he would not enter the battle under my commandership.
On the 10th evening when I was resting on the bed of arrows he came and
asked for my forgiveness. I told him that the war could end if he decides to
reveal his identity. Both the clans would accept him as the emperor. But he
said it would not be correct to desert the Kuru prince at this time. He said
he would fight till the end. I guess he also knew that we were doomed to
lose and die.
The Kauravas fought for two days under the command of this brave
man but he finally became a victim to Partha’s arrows. Yes, Partha had
killed his own elder brother. With time Partha and the whole Pandu clan
would know. There would be great repentance, a proper sequel to a great
war ! The end came a day later when the gallant Duryodhana died at the
hands of Bheema after a well fought battle with maces.
The kuru clan had lost . Yudhishtir became the king. He was very
anxious that I teach him about statesmanship and ho a king should rule. I
told him all that I knew and it did take some time. The moment of death
approaches. I should think about the future of my country. My
Hastinapur ! The Pandavas will certainly rule well. Their children will rule
and later their grandchildren. Yes, it will go on. But every generation will
have people like me who will keep quiet even when they know right from
wrong.
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This is what Bhishma told Yudhishtir when he approached him before the
battle was to begin
“Man is a slave to money which, however, is nobody's slave. This being the
Truth, O King, I am tied to the Kauravas for money”. ( One does not have to
take the word money literally)
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THE LISTENER IN THE WOMB -(Abhimanyu)
It all started when I was about several months old in my mother’swomb. I guess that was the time when she started getting bored. She
began to badger my father to tell her stories. I too was all ears to listen to
them . May be that was all I was. Just ears !
The very first day he started telling her of the great churning of the
ocean by the devas and the asuras. It took him quite some time. My mother
would listen to him for an hour every night . At times she would fall asleep.
And at that juncture my ears also would close. I would always wait for that
story telling hour every night. My father had a soft baritone voice. I loved
those sixty and odd minutes.
It seems My father knew many stories. That is what I thought.
Once mother complimented him upon his knowledge but father said that
he himself does not know all that many stories and he had to ask his elder
brother whenever he ran out of them. It does not matter how it came . I
loved them.
And there was a time when my father had to really struggle to find
stories. I guess I was about six months old in the womb. I think my feet
had just then been formed and I loved exercising it. So I kicked here and
there. My mother would call father at that time and they would laugh. I
guess they were happy.
Yes, my father was running out of his stories. I guess his elder
brother was away somewhere and so nothing new was forthcoming . So
my father started repeating old stories. And he would also make mistakes.
May be initially mother did not know or care but I would kick my mother
several times with my tiny feet. This would make mother alert and
demand new material.
One night father told mother that he cannot tell her any more
stories. Mother started crying . I also wondered how we would spend time
from now on. Father asked her not to cry. He said he wont tell stories but
tell her about other things, equally important. He told her that after all she
is a queen and she ought to know about warfare. He started out with
elementary aspects like how to ride a horse, how to ride an elephant etc
I had thought it would be boring but it was really thrilling. Also
the way he told this stuff was great. Father was in his elements, I guess.
He went on from topic to topic. One day it was swordplay. Another day it
was mace. He said he himself was not good with mace and only knew the
very basics. He said that his elder brother was very good at it. So I
surmised he had two elder brothers, one who told stories and another who
was good at mace. Of course, it was possible that there was only one
brother and he was good at both. But I thought it was unlikely.
And then he came to archery. By the way he handled this subject, I
knew he must be a great archer. Yes, mother also made gentle fun of him
at times calling him the greatest archer in the world. Yes, my world was
getting filled : three brothers and the third one a great archer !
He treated mother ( and of course me) to the concept of different
astras. The word scared me at first but I guess it was nothing to be afraid of
. The fire astra would mean an arrow sent keeping god of fire in mind and
it would spew fire everywhere. And he said the way one can counter it
would be to send a water astra ( He gave names to them – agneyaastra,
varunastra etc) . It was really wonderful . Yes, these descriptions were as
good as the stories. Further, as I said, father was in his elements talking
about these weapons. Mother would get bored at times but I would prod
her to listen. Sorry, mother, I have to kick you again !
Once the weapons were all done with , he started the topic of how
one should counter the enemy. It was all simple if the fight was between
just two people. But it became complex when it involved armies because
they would be arranged in different formations. The names of these
formations were strange. They were called Vyuhas. One had the name of
crocodile ( Makara Vyuha), tortoise ( Murma Vyuha) , bird (Garuda vyuha)
etc. He said the enemy’s formation had to countered with another
formation. It seems there are different formations for defence and for
offence.
I feel that I am becoming very big. I can feel that mother is
finding it difficult to move around. Both mother and father are anxious but
others keep sang that there should not be any problem. Meanwhile I am
anxious to know more about horses, weapons, army formations etc. I have
a strange feeling that all these accounts will end once I get out of mother’s
womb. I can hear people saying that it may be just one more day. My father
is yet to complete his accounts. Well, it is night again and father starts
telling more about enemy formations and how to break them open ,enter
and later retreat. . He started talking about what he called one of the best
army formations. He said it is in the form of a wheel or a lotus ( Chakra
Vyuha ). He told how to enter the formation. Oh ! mother is drowsy. Father,
yes, you have told us how to get into the Chakra Vyuha. Tell me know how
to get out. Mother has dozed off. I kick her several times. But she does not
wake up. Father sees her, pats her and goes away. And I may never learn
how to get out of the Chakra Vyuha
I came out of mother’s womb the very next day.
AN ELEPHANTINE LIE- Yudhishtira
T
We are all getting old. We have decided to get away and live in the
forest. We will crown Partha’s grandson Parikshit and he will rule from
now on . Acharya Kripa will be his teacher. He will guide the young prince
just like he did for us. It is time to leave all our earthly possessions behind.
It is time to forget the past and move on. How easy is it to say that one
should forget the past, both good and bad. ! Have I managed to do it ? No,
there is this ghoul on my back . I cannot shake it off. It will be with me till
the end of my life. May be it will seep through to my next life too !
This ghoul ! It is mine, alright . It appeared from nowhere on that
fateful day in the battle of Kurukshetra. It was the day when we had
already managed to bring down the great Bhishma. Our granddad on
whose lap we had spent our childhood was vanquished. It was a trick of
our cousin from Dwaraka . He knew that the old man would not fight
against eunuchs and women . Therefore he saw to it that an eunuch face
the old warrior and behind the eunuch stood our brother, the greatest
archer of them all. And it was those arrows which pierced the grandfather’s
armour and brought him down. May be they did not tell me about it since
they thought I would oppose it . Or may be I chose not to enquire them
about it and decided to look the other way. I feel the ghoul on my back was
born at that time. It was small and did not weigh much at that time. But it
made its presence felt.
Our revered teacher took over the opposition reins from the
granddad. He was the one who taught us how to wield our arms. He was
next only to our granddad in the affection we had for elders. But now he
was the commander of the opposition forces. His mandate was to destroy
us . And destroy he did ! We lost some of our heirs in the process. Both
Bhimasena’s son and Partha’s son were killed. The teacher had to be
stopped !
( Thanks to the internet for the picture)
Our cousin from Dwaraka came to our help again. All of us knew that
the teacher was extreme fond of his son Ashwatthama, The story goes that
our teacher was so poor that he had no milk for his son. He remembered
that he and Raja Drupad were fellow students. Buit when he went to the
king , he was ridiculed. The teacher took a vow that he would defeat him
and take away his kingdom. After he came over to Hastinapur and taught
us all, he demanded gurudakshina which was to go with him and fight Raja
Drupada. Yes, we all went with him and saw to it that the teacher was
avenged. That is the type of fondness he had for his son Ashwatthama. I
think the fondness of these fathers for their children is what is destroying
us all. This is the reason our teacher could not object when our blind uncle
ill treated us.
Let me remember the way it happened. Our cousin from Dwaraka
says that Drona has to be stopped somehow. One has to make him stop
fighting . But how ? Our cousin says that the teacher will lay down his arms
if he comes to know that son Ashwatthama is dead . All the five of us
shout in unison that he is not dead and it is also not easy to kill him. Our
cousin says of course, he is not dead. But somebody has to convey this
new to the teacher. Partha says that the teacher wont believe it. The cousin
says : Believe he will if it is conveyed by the right person! All of them look
at me ! It slowly dawns on me that they want me to tell a lie ! I tell them that
I cannot do it . The cousin says Alright, let us kill Ashwatthama . He tells
Bhimasena :I have seen a nice elephant with you people and it is called
Ashwatthama, Is’nt it ? Before anybody could say anything brothers Nakula
and Sahadeva say it is their elephant . Our cousin tells them that he will
give them a new elephant after the war but now Ashwatthama has to go.
He tells Bhimasena to kill the elephant and announce it . Yes, the poor
elephant was killed and Bhimasena shouted : Ashweatthama is dead . The
teacher heard it but he did not want to believe it .He then asked me Is
Ashwatthama really dead ? I wanted to tell him the truth but the way he
had championed the evil Kauravas all his life angered me. Was our
affection for him nothing at all ? I then uttered Yes, Death has come to
Ashwatthama the elephant. After the word Ashwatthama , the part about
the elephant was just a whisper. Our cousin blowing his conch at that time
made sure that the word elephant was not heard at all. Well, our teacher
became extremely sad and laid down his arms. It was at that time our
brother in law jumped on him and cut off his head. As I saw his death I
started feeling more and more weight on my back. Yes, that is the ghoul
with whom I have been forced to lead my life since then ! How am I different
from amybody at all now ?
Yes, I had uttered a LIE ! And it is consuming me day after day. The
war was over long back. But the ghoul on my back is still there. I am bent
now, not just because of age, but also because of that weight on my back.
Dharmaraj ? No, I gave up that name long time ago. I told people not to call
me by that name anymore !
THE LAST HOURS OF KRISHNA
Tonight the sky above Dwaraka is very well lit. The kith and kin of all
those great Yadava warriors have set fire to the funeral pyres of their
fathers. And the light from those countless pyres have illuminated the sky.
It is brighter than any night in the past. It is brighter than the night I
brought back Rukmini as my bride. It is brighter than the night when
Bhama and I came back after defeating the Hell Demon. But instead of
laughter and joy, Dwaraka is filled tonight with cries of women .
Yesterday they were wives wearing colourful clothes and their ornaments.
Today they are widows in white. The only men who are left are the small
boys. Some of them my grandsons and great grandsons And I a mute
witness to all this tragedy.
What type of death is this for my Yadavas! These were brave
people. They should have died on the battlefields. Or of old age with
grandchildren playing around their legs. But they died on their home
fronts. Yes, they were spared old age. They died in their prime of life . And
pray how ? I They killed each other in a drunken brawl!
What started it all was something very silly. Some big rishis had
come to see me. My people wanted to play pranks on them. And Samba, as
usual, was always ready. He was my son and his mother was the Bear
Princess. They say bears tickle people to laughter. Samba was like that.
Others dressed up Samba as a pregnant lady and took him to the Rishis.
And asked them whether he would give birth to a boy or a girl . These
sages after all know everything. They felt insulted and cursed the youth .
They told him that he will give birth to an iron club which would bring total
destruction to the Yadava race ! The next day he went into labour and did
give birth to an iron club . Don’t ask me how this can happen. If the great
rishis wish, anything can happen. ! Now I don’t know why the sages got
so angry. You would expect such learned men to handle these things
humorously. It would have been fun if he had given birth to a real child.
And what would Samba’s wife say ?
The iron club was powdered and put in the sea. Few days afterwards
many strong weeds had grown near the sea. People were very perturbed .
They thought that the weeds came out of the iron powder. There were
rumours of many ill omens. When people want to get afraid
things. I tried to make them quiet but it did not help. Then I suggested
things. I tried to make them quiet but it did not help. Then I suggested
that we all go to sea near Prabhasa. We had liked the place and had gone
there many times. They agreed and the entire Yadava warriors went to the
sea shore. Had bath, fun and games. And as Yadavas usually do they all
got drunk. And that was the beginning of their end. Satyaki insulted
Kritavarma . Pradyumna joined Satyaki. Kritavarma got very angry . This
was all about events in the Big War. They saw the weeds which had grown
near the sea and pulled them out. Lo and Behold, the weeds became iron
clubs! And everybody got these clubs and they started fighting, Before we
knew what was happening , both Satyaki and Kritavarma were dead. Seeing
the leaders die the followers in each tribe now got into the act. So the they
fought with each other and all of them perished in front of my eyes. May be
I told them to stop . May be I did not. It was all getting too much for me !
These were all kind people at one time. We had come here from
Mathura. Jarasandha, the emperor of Magadha had started harassing us.
He was a great warrior, but certainly was not invincible. . It would have
taken us more time. It would have been a war of attrition. Brother Balarama
and I decided that there was no need to involve the Yadavas in these nerve
racking battles. Yes, we all came away to Dwaraka . It was in fact Satyaki
and Kritavarma who lead the whole lot of people. They were such good
friends. They would say with glee that they became adults the same night
and with the same lady ! And yesterday they killed each other.
My Yadavas did not die just because of the events of one single week .
And I do not think it had much to do with the curse of the Rishis either. In the
very beginning when we had come from Mathura, there was lot of enthusiasm
and all of them . All of them said that we should build a new nation. We were
almost a republic. Raja Ugrasena was a benign ruler . He would check with all of
us before taking decisions. But with time differences are bound to come up . And
they started cropping up on various matters. These happen anywhere but there
were more differences here. My worry was that the fragile Yadava nation would
split. We had tried so hard to build it. I tried ways to keep them together. But the
hatred which came out at Prabhasa was something I had not imagined. It was as
though they were two entirely different races of people.
Yadava clan has been the most important thing in my life. At each
and every moment I have acted with their well being in mind. I had to see
that the Yadavas were connected well with the powerful. I got the great
Partha to marry my sister. Further . during the big war I did not want my
small Yadava country to get caught between these two big powers. My
idea was that whoever wins should be well disposed towards my small
kingdom. I took the side of Pandavas but I gave the whole Yadava army to
Duryodhana. I remember Balrama smiling and saying Very Clever !
But the tragedy in my life is that I could not unite the Yadavas. I gave
them a kind of homeland. I tried to keep them away from problems. They
showed me respect when I was around. They fawned on me and my wives.
But they did whatever they wanted when I was not there. Towards the end
all the tribes started blaming me for their problems. I did not win their trust.
Another tragedy in my life was that I could not avert the Big War.
Was it inevitable ? It is true that Injustice had been done to the Pandavas.
After all it was a property dispute. Duryodhana was not a bad king for his
people. It was not as though Pandavas did not have their faults. Could not
they have settled their problems with just a mace fight between the two big
guys. Did we really need that full blown war ? People say I instigated them.
It is wrong. Yes, once we were on the battlefield I did tell Partha not to get
cold feet at that stage. And it did take me a lot of time on my part to
convince him!
(some mix up here - check)
e(some mix up here - check)
Brother Balarama never bothered much about our people. It was not
Maharaj ! Shall I start today’s report? For the last 18days I have given you
second by second, minute by minute, the account of this battle between
yours sons and your nephews. I have described to you arrow by arrow
what happened between the stalwarts on both sides, As you liked to say , it
was between us and them. The battle went on for 18days. We are
vanquished and they have won. Yes, I have been your eyes. You are saying
I was a good reporter! Thank You very much , sir! And now the 19 th day is
about to start !
What Sir ? You say you don’t want to know what is happening ! No , sir !
You have to listen to me. You are saying that the battle is over and there is
nothing to see or hear ! No, you should not miss what is happening there
now . Battles are not just about fights. They are also about what happens
after the fights.
It is daytime but still I cannot see much. There is smoke all over the
battlefield. Yes, it is all from the funeral pyres. The bigger leaders have
their own pyres. Some pyres have 2 bodies ! You ask why ? Well, may be
they were lesser leaders. But some have many ! 4, 5.. no I cannot count.
These must be of ordinary soldiers who have to fight without really
knowing what they fought for. There is nothing much in stake for them, but
still they have to give up their lives for wicked deeds of some people. No,
Maharaj, I am not saying you are wicked. Why do you have to feel so
defensive? Yes, I agree, they are also not any holy and this was not a just
war. Sir, no war is really just!
Let me take you back to the battle field. There are women all over the field.
They are all weeping and wearing white. Some women slip in the wet mud
and fall on the ground. Their sarees are turning red . Like the ones they
wore on their wedding day. They seek the man whom they married. Is he
alive ? Is he dead and rotting somewhere ? Or has he turned into ashes.?
Some of the women have their children with them. It is the first time we are
seeing children here. Some don’t know why they are there ; some are old
enough to console their mothers. And some have eyes of steel. I fear,
because, I see the birth of new wars in their eyes !
Years from now, centuries from now, bards will write and sing about the
great battle. They will describe the deeds of the brave. Eighteen days of
valour, they will say. They will wax eloquent about the great sermon of the
first day. But they will all be silent about the 19 th day !!
(Total words 496)
that he was callous but did not take any initiatives also. He did not lift a
finger to avert the Big War. May be Duryodhana would have listened to
him ! And yesterday at Prabhasa he saw the carnage and went away. He
sat below a tree and gave up his life . What is the difference between him
and me ? I went around and thought I would save humanity. And he sat
home. The end result was the same .
Now all my relatives are dead. Brother Balarama has also gone.
Pandavas are also getting old. The writing is there on the wall. May be it is
time for me to go. We all believe that we will be reborn. I do not know
whether it is true but It is a nice belief . It is nice to be reassured that there
is a chance for us to achieve things which was not possible for us in this
life. If and when I am born again I would like to be born here. Near my dear
Dwaraka... . I hope the world will be a better place at that time. I hope I will
be spared the enmity and hatred that seems to have been a mark of my
times !
But if hatred has not disappeared, I may have to lead the same type
of life that I have led now. I will again try to work to lessen the hatred
between people . I will try to unite them . I will try to bring peace. . And if I
die in that attempt , so be it.
( During the last 2 years of his life, Gandhiji reminded people often of how
yadavas destroyed themselves)
THE 19TH DAY
Maharaj ! Shall I start today’s report? For the last 18days I have given you
second by second, minute by minute, the account of this battle between
yours sons and your nephews. I have described to you arrow by arrow
what happened between the stalwarts on both sides, As you liked to say , it
was between us and them. The battle went on for 18days. We are
vanquished and they have won. Yes, I have been your eyes. You are saying
I was a good reporter! Thank You very much , sir! And now the 19 th day is
about to start !
What Sir ? You say you don’t want to know what is happening ! No , sir !
You have to listen to me. You are saying that the battle is over and there is
nothing to see or hear ! No, you should not miss what is happening there
now . Battles are not just about fights. They are also about what happens
after the fights.
It is daytime but still I cannot see much. There is smoke all over the
battlefield. Yes, it is all from the funeral pyres. The bigger leaders have
their own pyres. Some pyres have 2 bodies ! You ask why ? Well, may be
they were lesser leaders. But some have many ! 4, 5.. no I cannot count.
These must be of ordinary soldiers who have to fight without really
knowing what they fought for. There is nothing much in stake for them, but
still they have to give up their lives for wicked deeds of some people. No,
Maharaj, I am not saying you are wicked. Why do you have to feel so
defensive? Yes, I agree, they are also not any holy and this was not a just
war. Sir, no war is really just!
Let me take you back to the battle field. There are women all over the field.
They are all weeping and wearing white. Some women slip in the wet mud
and fall on the ground. Their sarees are turning red . Like the ones they
wore on their wedding day. They seek the man whom they married. Is he
alive ? Is he dead and rotting somewhere ? Or has he turned into ashes.?
Some of the women have their children with them. It is the first time we are
seeing children here. Some don’t know why they are there ; some are old
enough to console their mothers. And some have eyes of steel. I fear,
because, I see the birth of new wars in their eyes !
Years from now, centuries from now, bards will write and sing about the
great battle. They will describe the deeds of the brave. Eighteen days of
valour, they will say. They will wax eloquent about the great sermon of the
first day. But they will all be silent about the 19 th day !!
(Total words 496)
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